Thank God For The Golden Ones
in spite of how bummed I was most of the summ I think I really finally realized how cool my parents are and that I will probably never be that cool. I really love my family and get to see them today (because my course is getting married tomorrow)!!! I miss all of them a lot. I guess this is adulthood.
helen broke her sternum once, and it nearly pierced her heart. what an aching, to break something so close— & to be alive. I tell her how I broke my collar bone, a swift synchronic kick and the flight, crushing relief. I feel the hollow of my unbroken sternum.
there is no softening of time. the Y shaped trees haunt me still, the moon haunts me still
(the bench where I kissed the boy who left forever)
the roses haunt me still, the night bridge haunts me still, and the windows
(the windows the windows the windows)
how many mistakes can you make before you learn your lesson? an infinity of mistakes, four years indivisible of spatial haunting: lights on, lights off.
it was too easy and I have debts to pay, I drank my fill of rain- I reaped my share of harvest. I am owed the desert
crack underfoot hard drying mud. and still, it hurts to watch the pattern of replacement, the simplicity of fulfillment, a gift-memory of a fleeting closeness past—
what do we keep between and when does the haunting end?
I learn it always the hard way, yearning can never be solved all at once